Thursday, 27 December 2007

New Wrist warmers

Quick knit done in the last couple days. White Elann Esprit cotton and peach whip Schachenmayr Only Stretch (wool.) I love these! They feel really good and they have four cables on each. I'm enjoying my beginner cabling. I knit them flat and could have done a better job of arranging my seam in relation to the pattern, but it's all a learning process and I'll certainly wear them without embarrassment. Thought about doing short rows for a partial thumb, but I think I prefer them without that.

Saturday, 22 December 2007

Last stocking plus

Below is the last Christmas stocking and perhaps my favorite. I thought that about several of the others when I finished them too though. Taking a picture of this one proved the biggest challenge. The first photo shows the color pretty well, but doesn't show up the cables. The second sort of shows the cables, but I'd have liked to get a much better picture! Didn't try scanning, since my scanner is too much of a Prima Donna to work while I have too much else open on my computer.
Below are the initial tags I made to hang on them. I which stocking to give to who, so I'm going to make them pick, then they can put their own tags on. That way if they want to switch around every year they can do that too.
I cut these out of old leather from a coat and used paint pens to embellish them. the upside down candy cane is a J. :) I had fun making them! I'll have three stockings left from which to pick my own, after everyone else chooses theirs. I made the extra two for my other niece living down here and her boyfriend, but they ran off to spend Christmas with his family, so they'll get what's left..... or I might make another if there isn't one suitable for him left.

Wednesday, 19 December 2007

Christmas knitting

(click pics to see larger)
I think this is safe here, because I haven't given this blog address out to anyone I've made these for. I was at my wit's end trying to think what to do for Christmas when I got the inspiration for these. Thank God! I used mostly acrylic yarns that I got when I first started knitting a couple years ago. The red and white above is in TLC Amore and Yarn Bee "frosting" from Hobby Lobby.
Another TLC Amore (burgundy) with blue "Boa" and a ladder lace I can't recall the name of added into the cable, which the photo doesn't show very well. But! I got basic cables figured out while working on these!

Trim in Yarn Bee "thistle," body a wool blend that I'd have to dig for to remember exactly.
Homespun with a novelty yarn I don't recall.
Ok, I'm giving up on remembering the yarns. I can look them up if anyone wants to know the specs. I love this one, though the foot part looks kind of bubbly... lol
The only one with a cable all the way to the toe.

This one has fringes to make it look sort of western/cowboyish. Made it 'specially for the niece who's into cowboy stuff, then found out she'd bought a cowboy boot stocking a few weeks ago... ahh well.
CAMO! Hoping the cable strip down the side doesn't make it too girly. I mean, there have to be a few of these for the guys, but then again, they're Christmas stockings, so hopefully no one will be too worried about that?? I'm sure hoping... lol
I have one more on the needles, just so everyone who Might be here is covered, including myself. I don't know how to pick which for who, so I'll probably make them pick their own, or just pick different each year, if they want. I'm experiencing knitter's anxiety and Really Hoping these go over well and get used year after year! The ones they have are just felt and getting old.

Tuesday, 18 December 2007


I forgot to mention that I started another blog for memory stories.


It'll hopefully be lighter fare than over here on the dark side... lol At least I forgot the rant I had all worked out in my head the other night as I was going to sleep.... be glad... be very glad... unless I remember it again... LOL

The anxiety mentioned in the last post is doing a number on my continued cut-back on smoking. I've been praying about it, but also getting very distracted from my resolve.

Memory and Anxiety

(click for larger image)
I did this turtle on a napkin with an ink pen when I was 17.

I just realized I'm having some serious anxiety over forgetting things. I also realized that it's been a big cause of anxiety for a long time now. Because of this anxiety and the fact that it makes my memory even worse and also my pain, it's a vicious circle.

I have so many things I want to do right now, or to remember to do as I'm able, and I'm so afraid that I'll forget any/all of them, that I am in a state of high anxiety. I need to pray, but even that is hard to do when I'm wound so tight. I could make a list, and probably will, but I'm very good at losing lists along with my mind... lol

I want/need to draw and draw and draw.
I want to write stories on my new memories blog.
I want to scan all my old art from way back and archive it on a CD.
I also think I might want to make an album of said art to share.
I need to finish my Christmas stuff.
I need to figure out just what it'll take if I try sell my art prints on Etsy.
I need to keep up on email, because keeping up with friends is an important part of not being so isolated.
I want to keep up on my blog reading and each of the pages I visit regularly.
I want to talk more on Elann and post a few pictures, but I haven't worked up the nerve yet.
I need to show M the etching I have and ask if he wants to look at my scrapbook.
I need to get bank stuff straightened out.
I'm quite certain that's not the full list and I've forgotten things already, or maybe that's the anxiety speaking. How do I know when I forget so easily?!?
I need to take time to relax too, for the sake of pain management and this anxiety is making that difficult.

I for sure and certain need to pray about all this more than anything else! God help me and you too in whatever you're struggling with!

Saturday, 15 December 2007


This seems like a slow blogging month for many. I have a long list of blogs on google reader and some that usually blog a lot are pretty quiet. I haven't been saying much either, but only mostly because I've been communicating more with folks elsewhere. For some reason, the pictures under my header aren't showing up... not sure if I need to fix it, or if it'll work itself out. I need to keep track of what pictures I've posted here somehow, so I don't get confused and re post them, or think I've already posted what I haven't. Here's one I don't think I posted before though. It's a Star Thistle. Click if you want to see it bigger.

I think I'm about ready for Christmas. I need to figure out some way to package stuff, since I'm pretty sure I used all my wrapping paper last year and I will make a couple more things, just to cover the possibilities. I actually got to send some of my own art prints to my parents, that's pretty cool and I can't wait to know their response! I wasn't able to make the prints at UPS where I wanted to and where I hope to make more at some point, because I've been told they (or at least this store) make excellent prints. I've actually seen the results from there myself and they really are good. Hard to tell from the original without looking very close, or touching.

I sent some of my knit and crocheted hats and scarves to a bazaar with M&L, but only one scarf sold. I didn't really expect much from it, but was still a little disappointed. I actually went there for a while last night for a while and I enjoyed it. M&L made salsa to sell and most of that went and the girls made some bead jewelry. I don't know how much of that sold, but at least a few pieces. One of my friends had her art displayed there too. She had framed a lot of it and it's amazing what a difference a frame makes. I love her stuff anyway, but seeing it framed was like seeing it all new. I also don't know if she sold any of it, but I do know she got a few custom orders. Sometimes I wish I could draw, or paint, things on request, but that has never been my gift.

It's been quite a week. I've been knocked flat by pain frequently, because of trying to do more than usual and also due to the weather, but there's been a lot of positive stuff that's happened to. Just getting to the bazaar for a while was good for me, but also managing to send those prints and more. I've had some good conversations that helped clear some things up and hopefully made for smoother sailing and better understanding. Two of my nieces joined me on my trip to get groceries and we had great fun. They were such a big help! I was able to use my wheelchair and have them handle a cart. It's amazing what a difference extra hands make and also simply the company!

Anyway, my mind just jumped the track again, so if I had more to write, it's forgotten for now... lol

May you have a blessed Christmas and New Year filled with the peace and joy of the Savior Jesus Christ!

Thursday, 29 November 2007

Ok... few quick pictures of the new do

Never getting comments here makes it feel like no one's reading, but I guess you must be, Linda, since you commented elsewhere.

Here goes... I sure hope I can keep it looking decent, or I really will be crying over all that hair sitting in a drawer... lol

Mid-way point
And.... finished

I love the below shot, but it was probably a fluke and not easily repeated... lol It probably also looked funny from another angle.

Wednesday, 28 November 2007

Ever do something you never thought you would?!?

In Loving Memory
of Della's Hair
It was good and faithful hair, not great hair,
but it served it's time well and was her best feature.
It was over two feet from the top of her head when it met it's demise.
Sadly it was becoming too difficult to maintain,
so it had to "go under the knife," and most didn't make it.
It was survived by short growth which will hopefully
be easier to wash and dry.
It is hoped that those hairs left behind will not
droop and languish, but recover to
be fat and Sassy!
Goodbye hair, I hope not to mourn you long!

Friday, 2 November 2007

Black-eyed Susans

Nothing much to say right now... just another recently finished piece.

Sunday, 28 October 2007

More Art

(click to enlarge)
I'm not sure I'm entirely done with this one, but pretty close. I'm still seeking comments, critiques, suggestions, ideas, challenges, whatever.

Thursday, 25 October 2007

More cables and art

This is my attempted picture of another bit of cable, but the picture is really bad. The main color is really a deep maroon(sp?) and I added a blue/green/yellow ladder lace to accent the cable. It's so pretty that I really wish the picture was better!

This is another piece of scratch art that I finished (if I don't decide to add to it) yesterday. Click on it if you want to see it larger. I'm enjoying playing with color still, but I don't know what to start next.

Monday, 22 October 2007


I have officially knit cables now! Only a few inches on each side of very basic cable, but cable none the less!

It doesn't show too well in the picture, but ahh well, it's proof of the accomplishment. Thanks, Linda :)

My Art

Last night I finished a piece of art and the joy I felt when I realized I was finished was like.... wow, I didn't realize it would be so hard to describe.... it just bubbled inside. It's pure sensation running through my veins. I'm still feeling it. I felt it when I was still lying in bed waking up. There's energy in it, but not uncomfortable restless energy.

For many years my finished pieces have been few and far between, which is a grief to me, because the peace I feel when I'm engrossed in drawing something that I know is "working" is so wonderful beyond description. I am sucked in and almost oblivious to the world around me at times. Last night after I finished this latest piece, I was in a great deal of pain. I don't know if it was from the barometric pressure, or what, but I hurt all over. The great thing was that I still had this bubbling joy inside lifting me up and making the pain less painful. So much of the time lately I feel like pain absorbs my whole life, my thoughts, my actions, everything. The only other thing that displaces it very effectively is good in-depth conversation.

When I was a kid, I wasn't the kind to hide a book inside my school book. I was more likely to hide my drawing in there, or under it, so I could slide the book up and draw. I liked coloring well enough, but most coloring books offended me, because they were so simplistic and poorly done. Dad had an over sized color book with beautifully done wildlife pictures and That was the ultimate in coloring. Very few of the dime store color books measured up to my standards. I started tracing horse pictures from Marguerite Henry's "Album of Horses" illustrated by Wesley Dennis. Mom had a lot of onion-skin paper from somewhere and I used lots of it for tracing. That tracing really taught me a lot about form, I think. I don't know what age I started drawing, but I don't think I was more than 5 yrs old.

I drew and doodled so much in those days that I took it for granted. I didn't have a clue what it would be like to be without that outlet. Mom told me I'd been given a talent and I should not waste it. I took her words to heart, but still have had many years of not using it, for one reason or another. As I got older (still at home) I found a few different avenues of artistic expression. I never could paint with acrylics to save my life, but I did play with watercolors, colored pencil, and scratch art. I even made Alyce's birth announcements (or at least some of them) by drawing baby animals on card stock. I wish I had pictures of those! I wish I had pictures of so many of the things I drew, though I do have a fair bit saved.

I'd never seen, or heard of, scratch art as a "real" medium, but I discovered it by scratching out doodles on the side of an ancient refrigerator we used in the barn. I noticed that I could do three layers of color on it. The top layer of paint was so old it was chalky white, the under layer of primer was a very pale bluish grey, and of course under that was metal, thus three colors. I drew first with a pencil, then used a nail and a bent paring knife with a short section of serrated edge, while the rest was regular knife edge to etch out my drawings. Those little pictures were probably 3 inches or less and I did a pile of them on the side of that fridge. I sure wish I had that piece of metal now!! I also wish I could recreate that sort of surface to work with. I still have the knife I used.

So why have I spent so many years barely touching pencil to paper? Well, there are many things I've lacked that used to give me inspiration. When I said I wanted to be an artist when I was a kid, I was told all of the reasons why that wasn't practical and all those reasons made sense. I figured I'd never be able to "make it" as an artist, so I looked at other stuff. I've wondered why I was given such a talent, if there wasn't any purpose for it. I've also wondered how I could use this to glorify God, when none of the things I draw seem to particularly pertain to God. As for that though, I'm realizing more and more that the talent itself glorifies God and was given by Him.

What are the things that used to feed my inspiration? I've thought about that a lot and here are a few things I've come up with. As a kid, I had family and people at school who gave me ideas, challenges, and an audience when I wanted it. I hated anyone watching over my shoulder, but I did feed on their input when I asked for it. Sometimes the "constructive criticism" hurt like crazy, but it also helped me improve. The encouragement I received certainly fed my love of art! I had plenty of good places to draw with good lighting, though I did work without outside light often enough. I had lots of books and animals and nature around me to draw from. Looking over all of that and considering the affects of it all, I think the main thing I've lacked is what I got from the people around me; encouragement, ideas, challenges, even criticism.

A few years ago when I turned out some of my best work since being an adult, the main contributing factor to my inspiration was working with Boo and having feedback from her and others at that time. I didn't work very often in good light, or with any great work area, so the encouragement and feedback were the biggest things. Right now, having just finished a piece of scratch art that I'm Very pleased with, I've been absolutely CRAVING some kind of input on the finished work. What possible good is there in art, if there's no one to appreciate it? I intend to give it as a Christmas gift, but without any feedback on whether or not it's "good enough" that's going to be hard to do. I look at it and am extremely pleased by what I see, and yet I have this niggling thought at the back of my mind worrying about my own objectivity.

I can always find many faults in my work and I have to tell myself that if I don't call it finished at some point, I'll end up ruining it. I both value and devalue my work. On one hand, I know I was given a talent and I think it would be false modesty to say otherwise. On the other hand, I tend to think that nothing I do is ever truly good enough. I give it very high personal value, but doubt it's monetary value, should I try to sell it. I did sell one small piece of scratch art for $60 a couple years ago, but I have always wondered if it the charity of a friend. Not that he showed any interest in the rest of what he saw, but self-doubt is strong. Probably what I need most to do is forget the "self" part and remember the God given talent part.

I keep considering selling what I do, whether on Etsy, or somewhere local, or whatever, but I can't seem to work it all out. I wonder if I've ever really prayed about that..... I pray a lot about a lot of things, but I'm not sure if I've prayed about selling my art.... need to think on that, or better said, just pray on it. I want to make prints and try selling those. I really don't want to give the originals away too easily, except if I give them as gifts. Man! do I wish I had pictures of the ones I've given away before!!

Anyway, I ran out of steam quite some time ago and my mind has not gone back to more of this train of thought, so I'll leave off.

Friday, 7 September 2007

disconnected thoughts

This is what I'm currently working on and the yarn is Yummy! It's cotton and rayon not exactly blended, but in separate strands and it's very pretty! Click on the picture to see better. It's heavy and drapes really nicely. It's becoming a shrug (unless I change my mind.) I hope it doesn't grow when I wash it, because I made this one larger than the last two. Then again, if it becomes more cape-like... maybe that will be just fine.. lol

Here's one of the family reunion shots, all 42 of us!

I've been neglecting my blog lately. I've had my fingers in yarn most of the time and haven't wanted to set my knitting down long enough to write. I also keep getting frustrated because I can't seem to really express what's on my mind. The bit next is sort of an unfinished train of thought about dignity. I went through a lot more of it in my mind than I managed to get down.

"What is Dignity? - 1. The quality or state of being worthy of esteem or respect.
2. Inherent nobility and worth: the dignity of honest labor.
3. a. Poise and self-respect.
b. Stateliness and formality in manner and appearance.
4. The respect and honor associated with an important position.
5. A high office or rank.
6. dignities The ceremonial symbols and observances attached to high office.
7. Archaic A dignitary
Is it a right?
Is it a gift?
Is it wrong?
Is pridefulness necessarily a part of it?
Do I want it for others? Yes, certainly
I woke up this morning considering these questions about dignity. I'm reminded of Mom saying "keep your head high, but your nose on a friendly level." The Old Testament chapter I listened to today tied in and contributed to my thoughts on this. The first chapter of Joshua, God tells Joshua that Moses is dead so now is the time to go and cross the Jordan into the promised land. Twice God tells him "be strong and of a good courage."
Wisdom, understanding, discernment, strength, courage, good cheer, and a sound mind, for these things I pray.
That was all I managed before I was distracted.

I still get caught up in thinking I have too many subjects I want to cover to do it here. I don't want to make my posts too long and boring and I also don't want to waste too much time writing instead of knitting and other things. I keep telling myself to narrow it down... do one thing at a time... start where you're at.. stuff like that, but that doesn't necessarily pull a scattered brain together.
The family reunion was very wonderful and very difficult all at the same time. I deal with the difficult things on a more regular basis though, so the wonderful part stands out more. I'm grateful for the blessing we were given. For all I know it may never happen again. I swam only once, because it wasn't all that hot there, but I got out in the canoes four times. I do love canoeing!

I keep trailing off without finishing a post, so I think I'll post this, unfinished as it seems and move on... Maybe I can get myself going again.

Friday, 10 August 2007


On the road in two hours! I can't believe it's already here and my whole family will be in one place! We'll be back were us kids did most of our growing up too! That struck me earlier and all of a sudden I got Really excited about all this... my heart beating faster my breath catching and all that. I'm praying that the long drive (straight through) up there isn't too rough pain-wise. I don't do so well with the pain when I'm really tired, not to mention not being able to put my foot up too well in a car. Then after getting there Saturday, we'll be having what sounds like endless hoopla on Sunday, with a gathering of everyone that's still local there and wants to see us. It'll be ok though! God is awesome!
On the road again....

Wednesday, 8 August 2007

Scattered thoughts

These last few days of trying to get everything ready to go to MN have really done a number on me. I've had Lexy in the outside kennel part of the last two days. My brother and nephew fixed up to Hopefully hold her in and every little while I've had to get up and go to the other room to peek at her and make sure she was still there. Several times when I looked, she was inspecting the fencing and looked like her little brain was on overdrive thinking on ways to escape. Another time she was mangling the inner layer of chicken wire just to reach through and pull a weed inside, from the looks of it. Had she gotten through both layers of wire, she'd have been tickled pink, I'm sure, but I don't think that was her aim. That weed and it's thick stalk just looked good to her, I guess, so she worked it through the fence.

All this extra time on my feet is just plain painful. It's only a little after 9pm as I write this and I'm exhausted and my foot is on fire. I don't want to get up even to go to bed, but I don't really want to go to bed yet anyway. If I go this early, I'll be awake extra early.... I guess that wouldn't be such a bad thing, since I have stuff to get ready yet and I'll most likely end up getting up earlier during the reunion. It's too early to go to bed yet though and there is so much I feel like I still should be doing tonight...... IF I start feeling better, which might be a big if. I do have just the finishing on an afghan to get done though and that I do sitting right here. Maybe I'll finish it before I go yet. I thought about asking some of the ones coming from out west to bring Tillamook cheese and Orowheat bread along with them. I miss both of those here where I can't get them. I didn't ask though. I'm sure they've all been extremely busy preparing to go and that would be more hassle.

Anyway, 2 more days and we leave!! Hard to believe it's already here and before I know it, it'll all be over and done with. I pray we all get there and back safely, especially since most are driving! Three vehicles coming from WA (I think) and 2 from here in SC. The one sister who still lives in MN will be loaded up with company at her house on the coming and going ends of this reunion.

Oh, Hallelujah! Not sure if that's spelled right, but it works. My best neighborhood choice of pet-sitter is free all next week while I'll be gone! I'm almost afraid to believe it. I was really worried when I thought he had to be gone to band camp, or something like that for 12 hours a day! I thought I was going to have to try arrange shifts with several kids involved and that did not sound good to me! One kid doing it all is less likely to forget, or think someone else has the next duty covered. I know that God is always on time and this last minute answers stuff is for my good, I'm sure, but whew! I have been fighting with worry and Panic for days now! That's probably exactly why I had to wait for a last minute answer... but still.. lol Thank God for His mercy!

Monday, 6 August 2007

Another aspect of RSD

I feel like my world is falling apart right now. Like I'm terribly afraid of something, or I've lost hope, or all my dreams, or something truly dreadful has happened. I don't feel this way for any logical reason. Nothing has changed in the last few hours enough to make me feel this way. This is a side-affect of RSD. It doesn't happen every day, or every week, or even every month, but this has happened before plenty of times. It is so confusing and awful, because I really feel like I am in the middle of some emotional trauma, even when I know it Can't be all emotional, or even mostly emotional.

I'm trying to get this written down quickly. I hope and pray that this feeling will pass quicker yet, but I want to record what it's like while I'm in the midst of it. It is too painful to want to recall it once it passes, so I tend to shove it as far from my mind as I can. My bad foot feels like it's almost on fire, it's swollen and only an hour or two ago, it felt like ice. I feel nauseous and weak like I over stressed most of my muscles.

After considering the emotional part more, there may be some aggravation of the physical affects stemming from emotions. I have been frustrated and worried and fearful about several situations today. I am also tired and that doesn't help. I have to work past the worst of the physical part before it's any use trying to sort out the emotional stuff though, so I'd best get my rest as soon as possible and hope things look brighter tomorrow. My hope is in the Lord and He will see me through.

Sunday, 5 August 2007

Five more days!

And we leave for our family reunion! All 42 of us, if I got my head-count right. This will be the first time in a very long time that we'll all be together and, of course, there are newer additions to the family who have never met everyone yet. I feel like there are things I should have tried to do before going, but as of now it's going to be all I can do to get ready and go this week.

I'm worried about leaving Lexy, because as it stands right now, she could end up being left outside in a kennel for 12 hours a day... that's a horrifying idea! She's used to being inside And not being alone much and she's a regular Houdini when she's upset about her living quarters, or bored! I'm worried about other animals coming around too, but more about her getting up to her old tricks and getting herself hurt, or killed. A dog with a mind like hers can get in a world of trouble in 12 hours! I woke up this morning with "12 Hours... 12 HOURS! Dear Lord, Help!" going through my head over and over. I've been praying so much about this. If you're reading this before the 10th, Please pray? I just can't imagine leaving her without better care than that. Here's a picture of her... she's not very cooperative about posing for me.

I waited most of the day for an online friend who said they would talk to me after church. I was really hopeful I'd be able to talk to them, since they seemed to have dropped off the edge of the Earth several months ago and since reconnecting very briefly a couple days ago, I've been waiting to have a longer conversation and more details of what happened. No such thing today though. I really have a hard time with waiting for someone, only to have them not show. At least I got an explanation for the months of absense and the worst thing about it was being left out of what was going on. I could have been praying more specifically And not thinking I'd just been ditched for who knows what reason. They thought they would be overburdening me if they told me what was going on, so though I don't think that was true, I can understand.
Oh to have the faith to believe that whatever comes it will all be ok in the Lord! I'm like Martha when she said she knew Lazerus would be raised again in the resurrection, showing that she couldn't fathom everything being ok right then and there. I know it'll all be ok in Heaven, but when it comes to the here and now, I struggle badly. May the Lord of all creation be God of every corner of my life! May He be God of yours as well.

Saturday, 28 July 2007

That worked

I may need to resize the original pictures a little, so they're not too hard to view when clicked on. I should really figure out what album site is best for viewing pictures, so I can add an album on the side-bar.

Anyway, here's the shrug I just finished. I really dislike these pictures of myself, but I dislike more seeing pictures of finished knitting just laid out flat, if it's clothing.

Yarn info etc - Katia Denim (cotton blend ribbon with fringed edges.) Quick knit side to side on US 11 needles.
Ok, I think that's it for now. May you have the peace of the Lord!

Camera connection works again!!

This is my first attempt at pictures, so bear with me. I think you can click the picture to get a bigger shot, but I'll have to test that theory out once I post it. I put them in small, since I always prefer the page to load faster and then to click on pictures I want to see closer.

Wrist warmers/fingerless mitts below made from Elann Esprit, 2x2 rib, size 7 needles. I don't know how long they took, since I was just doing them bit by bit at Bible study. I didn't use a pattern (have yet to learn how to read a pattern,) but just cast on 50 stitches for each on one circular needle and knit them flat at once from two balls of yarn, then sewed them up, leaving a thumb hole.

I'm going to see how this posts, so I know if I need to change anything doing pictures, then I'll do another one with a few more pics.

Wednesday, 25 July 2007

still no pictures

Thanks, Linda, for commenting (and Eve, if I never thanked you before.) I've found out quickly that it feels pointless to blog just for myself. If I want to do that, why put it online? lol

I haven't tested the camera connection again, since I haven't wanted to risk the blue-screen when I've got stuff going. I'm still pondering possible fixes too.

I got a phone call today asking about how to start an email group, like the yahoo groups I've started. I was rather startled. I caught the last name as one I knew, but not the first name. She did say who had directed her my way though, so I did my best to help. I then asked at supper who I'd been talking to! They knew immediately what I was asking, so now I know who I talked to. LOL Hopefully I was able to help. I haven't heard back from her, so I'll hope no news is good news.

We had corn on the cob tonight for dinner. I like corn on the cob, but for a long time I've cut it off the cob as my preferred way to eat it. The kids had interesting comments on this though. Someone commented that they felt sorry for "adults" who had to cut it off to eat it. I had to chuckle, because it's true I'd find it hard to chew the corn off the cob anymore, what with "boughten" teeth. I preferred cutting it off before that though.

A couple nights ago as I opened the door to take Lexy out, a little brown scorpion scuttled in the door. I couldn't do anything about sending it back outside while I had Lexy, because she was so all fired ready to play with it. I had to get her around it, get her back in after doing her business, then once I had her settled, go back to see if I could catch it and put it back outside. It was still there when I brought Lexy back in, but by the time I went back with some long tweezers to find it, it was gone. I keep wondering where it went. Considering the fact that I've found three of them inside the basement before, I'm sure there have been others I've never seen. It doesn't do any good to worry about it, but I keep wondering if I Should be worrying about it.. lol

I would dearly love to be able to get good pictures of many bugs down here! Oops... I got thinking on bugs and went on a beetle search and forgot to finish this... lol The kids have found Hercules beetles several times that are bigger than the end of my thumb and I was trying to figure out what they were. Anyway, I think it would be fun to share pictures with the kids out west of some of the crazy bugs here. I'd best finish this off and get to bed! I really lost track of time! God bless!

Tuesday, 24 July 2007

Finished projects, but no pictures

I finished two knitting projects tonight (both were almost done) and I even took pictures, but now I can't post the pictures, as I'd hoped to. I hooked up the camera to the computer and it promptly blue-screened. Once the computer restarted, I thought perhaps with nothing else open it would work... another blue-screen... and a third. Now I'll have to figure out what's wrong with my camera connection... or maybe the problem will just go away.... hey, I can hope, can't I? It's going to be really wretched if I can't get my pictures onto the computer after the reunion!! What a pain! Anyway, I did finish a shrug and a pair of wrist warmers that I've been working on a while. We're supposed to have Bible study on Tuesday nights, but lately it's just been visiting, since most people seem too busy to come while it's summer. I did my finishing work while we visited.

I've had some times of wonderful relief from the worst of the pain in the last few days. Sunday I was able to do four loads of laundry (which involves going up and down the stairs, which gets difficult.) I got through all of it before my foot acted up enough to slow me down. That was really a great feeling! Today I took a shower. Now I know that doesn't sound like anything, but recently I've been breaking it down to washing my hair, shaving my legs, and showering the rest of me separately, so as to cut down on the time I was on my feet and give time in between for my foot to calm down. That might be in the realm of too much information, so I won't go into anymore detail.

The things that's striking about good days (so far as pain) is that they show me just how useless I am most of the time. When a good day is being able to take a shower without breaking it into increments... well, what can I say about that... it just seems pathetic. I've reached the point where I can't get the words out that I want to, so I'll have to stop again for now. For a long time God has been giving me songs (or just the tune first) that carry a message for me. I often have tunes in my head, but sometimes I just know I need to remember and consider the words to hear what the Lord is telling me. Not too long ago I woke up with line "God has given you his promise that he hears and answers prayer" in my head. I am clinging to that promise hard, because I feel my life very well may depend on it. He is my only hope and the only reason I'm able to go on.

Tuesday, 17 July 2007

Titles are back..

Not that it matters much. I can't seem to write lately. Do you have to be an official "writer" to get writer's block? I'd put a picture in here, but I can't settle on what to put in either. Maybe I'll just tear my hair out in frustration, because there's a Lot inside wanting to come out, but it's bottled up tight. Maybe I'll try again later...

Sunday, 8 July 2007

Wow, I've seen a few other people's posts about not being allowed to write a title and now I see what they mean! The title box won't even take the cursor.

If my sleep schedule stays as close to "normal" as it has been lately, I'm going to have to try post here earlier in the evening. It's not yet 10pm and my mind is a fog. This schedule shift has also made me almost constantly tired, but perhaps that will pass. I had hoped to wake up in time to get to church today. I prayed quite specifically as I was going to sleep last night. First that I hoped to wake up in time and be refreshed, even though I'd be getting a less sleep than usual and then that if I did not wake up, I wouldn't beat myself up about it, or think that God hadn't been listening, but just accept it and go on with the day.

Well, I did not wake up. I had two alarms set and I heard neither, though when I did wake up to hearing the door close as everyone else left for church, I had a bit of a tune from the CD alarm still in my head. By then the alarm would have shut itself off a half hour before. The most striking thing was that I remembered my prayer (especially the part about not beating myself up) the moment I woke and I was able to simply accept it. Not so many years ago, I'd have thought praying for help waking up was foolish, or irreverent, or just plain wrong in some way, but I've struggled for years with this. I've also changed my thinking on what sort of things God cares about concerning His children. Whenever I pray for help waking up and I get it, it's quite clear it's God's doing and I'm thankful for it, but when I still don't wake up, I always think there had to be something I could have done to try harder. Why is it so hard for me to imagine that God could say no to that prayer? It's still a quandary for me, but enough of that for now.

I also had a strange and disturbing dream about someone I barely know, having only spent time with them in a group a couple times. This person is fairly recently divorced and when I saw them last, I was concerned, knowing they were in that terribly risky time when the hurt and rejection of the divorce, brought on by infidelity, left them extremely vulnerable. The risks of ugly entanglements during that time are so high. Some people come through it ok and others are left with scars and even habits that affect them for a lifetime. Divorce itself leaves enough lasting scars without more added. Anyway, I had heard that this person did run wild and has been left with lasting consequences and that's probably why I dreamed about them.

I dreamed that I was praying for them and then somehow I realized that it was too late to pray for them, because they'd taken their own life. When I woke up and remembered it, I was very disturbed by it. I certainly hope it had nothing to do with reality and was simply born of my worry for them!! I also pray that if God would have me reach out to them in some way, He'll show me how and give me the strength to do so!
"If I gained the world, but lost the Savior..." oh what desolation that would be!! Hold fast to Jesus!

Thursday, 5 July 2007

Poor neglected blog :(

I have been trying to continue with regular posts here, but life has been pretty chaotic lately by my standard, which doesn't take all that much. My brother threw a curve in the mix yesterday when he asked me to set up a group email aimed at helping people dealing with loss. As unexpected as that was, I knew I could manage the set-up part and if I didn't run with it immediately, I might get overwhelmed by the "you can't manage that" thoughts. The fact is, I do have more time than most and I also have the know-how to set it up. With that now done, the rest of the details can be worked out by more than must me.

I'm excited about it, even though my poor brain has been wearing me out trying to figure out all the details alone. I'm told there's a great need and I believe it! I'm praying that God is the power behind it, because without Him it'll never fly. We've already got three members and a couple others invited, officially, or unofficially.

I was so tired a bit ago, then I got a second wind and thought I would be able to write more, but that second wind just took a nose dive. I'm done in and tired of being tired, but I'd better head for bed and try again later.

"In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3: 6 I hope God will show me ever better how to do that!

Monday, 2 July 2007

worn out

I've been too tired to write anything during the convention. I don't want to let this die off to nothing though, so I figured I'd best try come up with a post. I made it to the first night's service at the church. That was really nice, but terrifying at the same time, since it was the first time I used my wheelchair in public since I had an obviously broken ankle to help explain it. I got through and it was definately worth it for the sermons and singing. When I tried to sleep that night I sure wondered though! I was sick with pain and frustrated to tears over that. God helped me through that and answered my prayers about being able to manage attending more services. I think I may have had some sort of virus adding to the pain. I'd had awful pain through my arms and shoulders for what felt like a very long time, though it probably wasn't more than a month or two and I'd begun to think it was another thing being caused by my RSD. The next day (Thursday) that pain in my shoulders and arms was gone and I was able to think of attending more of convention.

I'm too exhausted to fill in much more, so I'll just get the basics in. Thursday night my niece brought me to the gathering for a while and I got to sing more. The singing was the main reason I was drawn to the gatherings, since it was mostly youth and they almost all seemed So Young to me. Friday my friend picked me up for evening services and then we went to the gathering for a while after. Saturday I went nowhere... too tired and no one to take me anywhere anyway. The same friend who took me Friday evening took me to services Sunday evening. Every day I've been as tired, or more so, as I would have been before from going to the whole convention before.

Anyway, I'm writing in fits and starts and better get some sleep so I can think clearly and feel better tomorrow, I hope! I thank and praise God for making it possible for me to attend as much as I did!

Tuesday, 26 June 2007

What is RSD?

Let me see if I can give a comprehensive answer to that question. I was first "discovered" and named Causalgia by a doctor during the Civil war. He saw that some of the soldiers he treated had pain that greatly outweighed their injuries and he started studying it. It's not very common, but it can start with something as minor as a scratch, or even have an uncertain beginning. To me one word comes to mind... Pain! Up until very recently there have been no tests to diagnose the disease. All doctors have had to go on is excessive pain, swelling, extreme sensitivity, discoloration, and a few other things that could all be caused by something else. There is no cure, though I've been told and have read that if it's caught within the first three months, it might be possible to reverse it's development.

Since it is hardly ever diagnosed within three months of starting, that's not much of a chance for reprieve. I can't remember the average number of doctors it usually takes to diagnose RSD, but I know it's high. My own case took four years and five doctors before I finally had a correct diagnosis. Not that the signs hadn't been there all along, but because those symptoms didn't fit what the other doctors had in their heads, they dismissed them as... what... I don't know... as not mattering, or being a part of the problem, I guess. I'd ask "why is my foot swollen and purpley red colored?" and the doctor would say something to the affect that it didn't fit what he thought was wrong.... so I was supposed to what... ignore it?? Well, I guess that's kind of what I had to do, so far as they were concerned.

Very recently, like within the last few months, I read an article about a study done on RSD patients where they may have developed a diagnostic tool. They took some of the surface skin in the affected area and found that 20 to 30% of the sympathetic nerves were damaged (if I remember how it went right.) The thought of anyone touching my foot, let alone taking off some of my skin, is almost too painful to think about and write!! On one hand it's good if they have a way to definitely diagnose the disease.... but on the other hand, the one called "reality of pain," it's a whole other story! Maybe they use anesthesia... I'm not sure. I just know that every time I went to the doctor and he touched my foot (it didn't take more than that) I suffered for it for several days.

I'm such a stoic on the outside that no one can see what kind of pain I am in. Oh, I'm not stone faced, or somber all the time, far from it, but to cry, scream, groan, moan, or even wince if I can help it.... not much chance of that. I stopped crying over pain at a very young age and for me to even make a sound over it, the pain has to be very sudden and acute. If I were a screamer there are a couple doctor's offices that would have been thrown into utter chaos when they gave me a cortisone shot in my foot. The first time, though I was sure it was going to hurt badly, I was ignorant of just how bad. By the time it was done, I felt like there should have been claw marks on the ceiling by the time he was done and I hurt all over as if I'd been beaten, for days after, from all my muscles instantly tensing as I tried to keep my foot still.

The second time was some three years later and though I should have known better, I let this other doctor convince me it was all in the technique. He's fortunate that I had enough control not to use the "technique" of my other (booted) foot on him when he asked if it really hurt that bad with the needle stuck deep in between my toes... and No anesthetic! Again I felt like I'd been beaten for days after from my muscles all tensing at once. I'm not sure about the first time, but the second time I believe I went into a form of shock for about 10 or 12 hours. I could not speak to the doctor or anyone else for that long, though in my head I was ranting and raving at him and his "technique." Late that night I was talking to a friend online and it was like the dam finally burst and I said it all like I was spitting out bullets. Good thing that friend was easy going and very kind. He listened well, had all the right things to say, and I thanked God this friend was there when it all spilled out.

The next time I went to the doctor, he said that more shots were needed to get and test the full effect. I told him that the only way he was getting a needle near my foot again was if I was out cold under anesthesia... so, that's what we did.

Have I described RSD well enough for you, Eve? Any specific questions are good, because they help me to pin down the things that other people don't understand about this disease. I'm not sure how well I've done with my description, since I'm in an extremely nervous state over the letter I gave my brother earlier along with a copy for the pastor. God help me to trust in Him with all my heart and not to lean on my own understanding! My imagination is trying to ride a roller coaster, while I keep trying to shut it down and trust God with the outcome. I continually second guess myself, even when I'm doing what I fully believe the Holy Spirit is urging me to do. I just want Peace! and for someone to tell me it's all going to be ok in a way I can believe it! I feel so very alone right now.

One thing that really lifted my spirits tonight, besides the good visiting we had at Bible study. My sister-in-law invited me to ride with them to the service and piano concert that are the start of the church convention here. That she invited me made me feel really good! I'm nervous over taking and using my wheelchair... really nervous... but I have to do it if I want to enjoy myself and not to have to be taken home early. This will also give me a chance to see how I'll handle going to some of the regular convention services. I won't be able to manage all day there, but I hope I can make some of the evening services. I'd already dealt with the wheelchair issue (in my mind) so far as the services at the college, so it surprised me that I'm having a hard time with using it at the church tomorrow. Maybe I won't have fully dealt with it until I've done it.

Well, this is quite long enough now and I've written a lot more than I imagined I would tonight. Jesus is the Prince of Peace! I pray He'll share with me tonight! Hold fast to Him!

Sunday, 24 June 2007

Oops... didn't mean to post just a title

I hit enter on that last, not realizing that would post it.... or was it tab...

Maybe I have writers block, or more likely it's a hormonal thing... not to be too descriptive... lol I decided to just try make a start and see if I could get something down, despite the blank brain. Already I've run off to see what I can search on the site. Not a promising start. My brain isn't Really blank, if I consider it. It's more like it's had a cork put in the outlet and then been shaken up. It's quite frustrating, though I've gotten somewhat used to it, over time. Accchhhh! This is just not going anywhere, so I'll give up and try again another time

My ideas for writing have stalled

Saturday, 23 June 2007

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to...

I don't feel like crying right now though, so I guess I won't. I wondered if I would react badly to this birthday, since I came a little unglued when I was turning 29 and this one is 39! How ten years passed so quickly is beyond me. It just proves I'm a little "off" that I stress over the birthday before the ones most people stress over. Than again, I might just stress next year, since I haven't done it this year.

I got an online card from my birthday twin and a colored drawing from my youngest niece in the house. My brother and his family sang to me at supper (that was different) and another of my nieces drew me a card with funny faces on the front and $2 inside with an "I (heart) you."

I'm in the middle of a sort of episode that I wonder if I can describe. I have been writing bits on this as the day goes, so I'm picking up where I left off several hours ago. I go through these episodes perhaps twice in a week, perhaps much less, or more. They come and go without any warning, or reason that I can put my finger on, other than that it is part of RSD. I am intensely uncomfortable, both physically and mentally. I'm not in any particularly strong pain, but I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin, or scream and cry for no other reason than this discomfort. My thoughts feel like they are spinning and swirling around, but I can't pin them down, other than the ones directly related to this horrible feeling. What I wish most at these times is for sleep, because that would seem to be the only way to escape. I find that I itch at these times, just sort of randomly all over. It is very similar to the affect I've had when I stopped taking some temporary prescription pain killer, like vicodin. This usually passes within a few hours of starting and the relief is sometimes as intense as the discomfort, but a whole Lot better. I have a very strong drive during these times to eat and smoke to excess and since I'm struggling to cut back on both those things, it just adds to the misery of it.

It's later now and the episode is past. I just wanted to write it out while I was in the middle of it, because afterwords I can't pin as much of how it feels down. There is so much that I wish I could make a note of at the moment at the moment it happens, or is on my mind, but I find trying to carry a notepad and pencil too inconvenient. I have a tiny digital recorder that has more potential, but I haven't managed to carry that around either.

It's past midnight already, so my birthday is over. I'd better get this posted if I'm going to.. lol I copied and pasted this from wordpad and now it won't spellcheck for me... hmmm... ahh well.
"Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to thee!"

Thursday, 21 June 2007

A day made special by people

I'm having a hard time starting this. I want to write about today before I forget, or lose my drive to write about it, but I give myself some time to recover from my trip for groceries. My thoughts get mixed up and suppressed by pain. I have started to exercise my arms by rolling back and forth in my wheelchair. I only started yesterday and not surprisingly my arms get tired pretty quickly. If I get to go to the church convention though, I'll have to use the chair, so I need to be able to get myself around in it. Also, when I go to the family reunion, I need to take the chair with me. When I think about it, it's probably a really good idea to just get some regular upper body exercise this way. I worry about bulking up my arms, because I've always done that pretty easily, but really, I do need exercise and if I can't work my legs more then it would be good for my health to work my arms. Now that I've made sense of it, God help me to do it! :)

OK, I feel the pressure easing off, so I'll proceed with the highlights of my day. I slept too far into the day today, but I think I must have needed it, because getting up was a lot easier than it is many days. I was just getting ready for my trip to get groceries when my phone rang and it was my baby sister! It is always such a joy to talk with her! We talked for 2 hours and could have gone on for many more. She's always so supportive and understanding of the things I'm struggling with and that is something I need badly right now! I can only hope and pray that she, and all the others who have been so supportive lately, is even half as blessed by conversation with me!

The second person who made me grin today was a stranger in the store. I have finally started using the motorized carts they have available, because walking around the store was so difficult. I fought that concession WAY longer than I should have and it was another blow to my pride to give in, but now I know I should have gotten smart long ago. Anyway, the fact I was using that cart was the reason I asked a guy near me if he could reach something on the top shelf for me. He was nearby puzzling over something or other and his cart was in the way of what I needed. I waited a bit for him to return to his cart... and a bit more... he was probably waiting for me to move on, but I out waited him... lol

When I asked him to reach what I wanted, he responded by saying something like "No one has ever asked me to reach something for them! You make me feel tall!!" I was so surprised by his reaction that I didn't respond to it as much as I wish I had, but just thanked him and smiled and went on. As I went on I heard him say something more, but it took me till the end of the isle to realize that he'd said again "you made me feel tall!" I was so tickled that my request had made him feel good! He didn't look all that short to me, so I was surprised that he thought of himself as short. I couldn't help grinning as I though how things that seem so small can make us and others feel good. I had been a little embarrassed (just a little) to wait for him and ask his help, but now I realize that God used that little thing to give both of us a boost. I do so love catching a glimpse of how God cares for us in little ways! God help me to respond quickly and easily to the guiding of His Spirit, even if it makes no sense to me at all!

Shifting emotional gears

I have a very difficult time adjusting quickly from certain emotions to certain others. I think I was ten the first time I noticed it. Everyone in the family was planning on going swimming and I love swimming, but I was informed I couldn't go. No one gave me a good explanation and it was all very puzzling and distressing. I went from excitement about swimming to very upset at the seeming unfairness of being left out, very quickly, but then making the adjustment back to excitement when I was finally told why I was being kept back took a very long time. My Dad had planned to surprise me by taking me to see a colt he was thinking of getting for me.

Now I had been begging for a horse for a very long time, so one would think I'd have been ecstatic. I had no greater wish than a horse at that time, but I remember being out looking at the colt some time later and still struggling to get over my hurt and get excited about having my dream come true. It was all just too abrupt and confusing and I battled inside both over my slowly adjusting emotions and over the fact that it was a battle to begin with.

This last week or so as I've had one thing after another hit me concerning getting to the family reunion, I've had that same struggle through it all. First I had managed to adjust to the fact that I would have to say I could not go. that was difficult and sad and even shameful, because of my inability to take care of myself. Then there was my niece asking if I'd like to drive with her and I jumped at that chance before thinking and realizing that I couldn't help pay for gas anymore than any other way there. When I said that to her, she said she would manage it and she said I had to be excited and happy about it. I wanted to be, but there was shame and embarrassment again, so I couldn't feel the joy of it. Then yesterday I was told that my family would pay for me to get there for my birthday present. By that time I think the ups and downs had just been coming too hard and fast and all I could do was worry over details.

There is good news now though, because I think I'm really beginning relax and feel positively about going in whatever way I can. My acceptance of such a gift is still tinged with some of that shame and embarrassment, but I am doing my best, through prayer and talking it over with my niece, my sister, and own myself =) to just say thank you to God and to my family for blessing me in this.

I talked with my niece about flying and I think we'll end up going that way. I tried to completely cover possible difficulties in airports and she basically said nonsense, it'll be a breeze, no problem at all, so quit worrying! I am blessed to have such a family! This niece of mine... who I remember as an infant... is an intelligent, beautiful, and kind young woman, to mention only a few of her fine qualities! I am thankful she lives near me now and for her companionship and friendship!!
The Lord is my hope and help in trouble!

Wednesday, 20 June 2007

It's a new day

But it didn't start off very well. First thing I was aware of on waking was someone hammering on my nephew's bedroom door, which is next to mine. I had to get up and go play the wicked witch, telling them to hush up. That getting up and walking across my room without any painkillers working in me, or any stretches to help me move is a killer. I drifted in and out (mostly out) of sleep for the next few hours, because the pain was B A D. A couple hours later my phone rang, it was a neighbor girl, thinking she had the house phone. I wasn't functional enough to do much more than let her know she had called the wrong line. I hope she didn't feel too terrible, because I know I sounded awful. After that call, I was just awake enough to take some Ibuprofen and then I actually fell asleep for a bit, only to wake up to the phone again. My phone hardly ever rings!

This time the call was from my sister though and I really wanted to be able to talk to her, but I still wasn't able to clear my head enough, so she let me go fairly quickly. All this made the potential for a wretched, weepy, grumpy, basket case day, over the top, but I think it won't be as bad as it could have been. I remembered to pray about it and I called my sister back to apologize and talked for a while. I'll be paying the price in pain for a few days for trying to do something about the wet carpet yesterday, but since I'm aware, I'm as prepared as I can be. I've been dealing with all this pain stuff for so long, you'd think nothing would surprise me and I'd be able to avoid the worst of it better, but I'm still boggled by the fact that such a small thing can wipe me out so badly.

Before I was injured and got RSD, I barely knew what it was to worry about hurting myself. I was a farm girl (an active farm girl) and I used to push cattle and horses around, drive the tractor, chop and haul wood, build fence, carry newborn calves in from the pasture when they wouldn't walk that way on their own, and all the other things that are necessary barn chores on a dairy farm. I was such a tomboy that I thought scars were cool, so I never worried about cuts and bruises toes being stepped on by cows. Now a horse stepping on my toes was another matter, because a horse's hoof has No flex and that's unbearable, but I lived through that too, once or twice. Fortunately the mare I handled most was usually very careful about where she stepped.

I still have many scars from being a head-long tomboy though. I was often called a "bull in a china shop" by my Mom and probably others too, because of how I charged through life, not worrying over how I might hurt myself. I was afraid to climb all the way up on the barn roof, but not of much else. I climbed to the top of every other roof on the place and up many a tree as well. I just never worried much about the potential for pain and injury, though I can't say I Liked pain when I had it. Very rarely did I let it slow me down though and after I left home to go on my own, I still continued on much the same. I was tough, I could handle it.

Well, no more... pain has finally defeated my head-long progress through life. I know there has to be a reason for all of this, in fact I think there are many reasons, but they probably all fall under the heading "depend on God, not yourself," but I still have so much trouble adjusting to this, even after nearly ten years. Whenever I think I have a handle on it, I am proven wrong yet again. I certainly know now that I cannot depend on myself and my own ability to make it through. I also know I need other people badly, but there pride rears it's ugly head again and I have a strong desire to hide myself away in a cave, or something, and never come out again. Wouldn't That just be great fun! LOL

Well, it's almost supper time, I'd better cut this short for now. I wonder how long I'll go on writing this much...
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding!

Tuesday, 19 June 2007

Pride doesn't die easily...

And the struggle goes on for years... maybe a lifetime. Because of my inability to take care of myself combined with the need to get to a family reunion for my parents' 50th wedding anniversary, my family got together and decided to pay my way there. Now this is a wonderful and generous thing and I truly hope they are all blessed beyond measure for their kindness, but I couldn't just say "Great! thank you! That'll work," instead I have to consider every angle of it all to do my best to keep as comfortable and pain free as possible. My niece had asked me if I could drive there with her, which was also rough on my pride, since I can't afford to pay half the gas and all that. Driving would be better for me though, since I wouldn't have to consider all the walking involved with airports, or what it would take do the flying thing using a wheelchair.

Well, this offer from my family was to pay for flying. I'll manage somehow if that's what works the best, but that thought of getting through airports still overwhelms my brain. Also, my niece would end up having to help me through all that perhaps more than she realizes. So, I have to think about which is worst. Would 20 hours or so on the road be less, or more painful than a fairly short flight, but all the managing of myself and baggage and all on both ends?

My pain was pretty level earlier, but then I found that water had leaked into the hallway by my bathroom and I tried to do what I could to take care of the problem. All I did was pull up the edge of the carpet, prop it up, put some towels down on the carpet pad and step on them to soak up some of the water, and then put a fan on it. Just that, which seems like so little, knocked me almost flat for the next hour or so. I hurt so bad I couldn't even knit and could barely concentrate on talking a little bit when I went upstairs for Bible study. If I had had to go any further than up the stairs to go to Bible study, I'd have had to pass. As it was, I went without letting myself think, because if I had thought about it at all, I wouldn't have faced those stairs. I sound like an old person saying that (there goes that pride again.) We did have a wonderful Bible study and before it was over the pain had let up enough for me to breath easier.

Well anyway, I do need to think about what's best for travel, not only for me, but for my niece as well. She said she'd come over and we'd talk about it, so I probably should slow my brain down, gather all the facts I can, and relax, instead of stressing over it. I do really look forward to the reunion and I'm not going to dwell on thoughts of it all being ruined by pain, because it could be if I don't keep up the best attitude I can. My parents and ALL my siblings, plus their spouses and kids, will be in the same place for the first time in a very long time. We're going to have a Blast despite the mosquitoes!!! More on that later.

It seems that once I start writing, I sure don't keep it short! If I end up sharing this blog, I wonder if anyone will actually manage to get through reading it.. LOL! I guess I shouldn't think about that, since writing my thoughts helps me to sort them out and I need that. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life! May God be glorified continually! I have asked for prayer about getting to this reunion, now I need to be thankful and trust that He will work out all the details!

I Always have trouble getting started when I write!

I certainly have enough on my mind to write stuff for the rest of my life, however long that might be, but I sure wish I could put it all into order quickly and concisely! I woke up today with "when I call upon Jesus, all things are possible" going through my head. I'm not even sure what the name of the song is and I had probably heard it on the radio while I was mostly asleep, but it was a great message to wake up to! I had had a really dreadful dream about a dying kitten that I don't think should be put into words, because it was just too repulsive and better not remembered. It's still clear in my head and I wish it wasn't.
Maybe I have trouble getting started writing because I'm always trying to pre-edit everything first... now there's a thought! I'm going to have to try just letting it flow and forget about the editing till it's necessary. I am, after all, writing for my own sake, though I may or may not share it.
I've had a fairly level day so far in the area of pain. I couldn't remember if I'd taken my pain pills at some point while half awake, as I try to do, so I had to wait long enough after I got up to be sure not to overlap, but it was ok today. Things can change in a blink with this pain, but I try to appreciate every moment when it's letting me relax a bit.
I think I'm beginning this in fits and starts and maybe that's just how it'll be. That's part of what this disease, "RSD" (Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy,) does to me. I can be on a roll with a thought, or a conversation, or with writing, like now, and my mind will draw a blank. It might clear up quickly so I can go on, or it might end up on another track altogether. I tend to think that last is how it usually works. I lose my train of thought and in grasping for it, I come up with another one and go with it. That can be frustrating, but at least if I'm talking to someone else, they can often pull my brain back to where I lost it... lol! It does make writing difficult though and I have So Many things I want to write about!
At the moment I'm rambling and it's almost supper time, so I'd better get back to this later.

Just the beginning

Well, just trying to get a start on this and establish a page... have to see if I do anything with it in time. I hope this isn't just a waste of time.