Shifting emotional gears

I have a very difficult time adjusting quickly from certain emotions to certain others. I think I was ten the first time I noticed it. Everyone in the family was planning on going swimming and I love swimming, but I was informed I couldn't go. No one gave me a good explanation and it was all very puzzling and distressing. I went from excitement about swimming to very upset at the seeming unfairness of being left out, very quickly, but then making the adjustment back to excitement when I was finally told why I was being kept back took a very long time. My Dad had planned to surprise me by taking me to see a colt he was thinking of getting for me.

Now I had been begging for a horse for a very long time, so one would think I'd have been ecstatic. I had no greater wish than a horse at that time, but I remember being out looking at the colt some time later and still struggling to get over my hurt and get excited about having my dream come true. It was all just too abrupt and confusing and I battled inside both over my slowly adjusting emotions and over the fact that it was a battle to begin with.

This last week or so as I've had one thing after another hit me concerning getting to the family reunion, I've had that same struggle through it all. First I had managed to adjust to the fact that I would have to say I could not go. that was difficult and sad and even shameful, because of my inability to take care of myself. Then there was my niece asking if I'd like to drive with her and I jumped at that chance before thinking and realizing that I couldn't help pay for gas anymore than any other way there. When I said that to her, she said she would manage it and she said I had to be excited and happy about it. I wanted to be, but there was shame and embarrassment again, so I couldn't feel the joy of it. Then yesterday I was told that my family would pay for me to get there for my birthday present. By that time I think the ups and downs had just been coming too hard and fast and all I could do was worry over details.

There is good news now though, because I think I'm really beginning relax and feel positively about going in whatever way I can. My acceptance of such a gift is still tinged with some of that shame and embarrassment, but I am doing my best, through prayer and talking it over with my niece, my sister, and own myself =) to just say thank you to God and to my family for blessing me in this.

I talked with my niece about flying and I think we'll end up going that way. I tried to completely cover possible difficulties in airports and she basically said nonsense, it'll be a breeze, no problem at all, so quit worrying! I am blessed to have such a family! This niece of mine... who I remember as an infant... is an intelligent, beautiful, and kind young woman, to mention only a few of her fine qualities! I am thankful she lives near me now and for her companionship and friendship!!
The Lord is my hope and help in trouble!