Friday, 10 August 2007


On the road in two hours! I can't believe it's already here and my whole family will be in one place! We'll be back were us kids did most of our growing up too! That struck me earlier and all of a sudden I got Really excited about all this... my heart beating faster my breath catching and all that. I'm praying that the long drive (straight through) up there isn't too rough pain-wise. I don't do so well with the pain when I'm really tired, not to mention not being able to put my foot up too well in a car. Then after getting there Saturday, we'll be having what sounds like endless hoopla on Sunday, with a gathering of everyone that's still local there and wants to see us. It'll be ok though! God is awesome!
On the road again....

Wednesday, 8 August 2007

Scattered thoughts

These last few days of trying to get everything ready to go to MN have really done a number on me. I've had Lexy in the outside kennel part of the last two days. My brother and nephew fixed up to Hopefully hold her in and every little while I've had to get up and go to the other room to peek at her and make sure she was still there. Several times when I looked, she was inspecting the fencing and looked like her little brain was on overdrive thinking on ways to escape. Another time she was mangling the inner layer of chicken wire just to reach through and pull a weed inside, from the looks of it. Had she gotten through both layers of wire, she'd have been tickled pink, I'm sure, but I don't think that was her aim. That weed and it's thick stalk just looked good to her, I guess, so she worked it through the fence.

All this extra time on my feet is just plain painful. It's only a little after 9pm as I write this and I'm exhausted and my foot is on fire. I don't want to get up even to go to bed, but I don't really want to go to bed yet anyway. If I go this early, I'll be awake extra early.... I guess that wouldn't be such a bad thing, since I have stuff to get ready yet and I'll most likely end up getting up earlier during the reunion. It's too early to go to bed yet though and there is so much I feel like I still should be doing tonight...... IF I start feeling better, which might be a big if. I do have just the finishing on an afghan to get done though and that I do sitting right here. Maybe I'll finish it before I go yet. I thought about asking some of the ones coming from out west to bring Tillamook cheese and Orowheat bread along with them. I miss both of those here where I can't get them. I didn't ask though. I'm sure they've all been extremely busy preparing to go and that would be more hassle.

Anyway, 2 more days and we leave!! Hard to believe it's already here and before I know it, it'll all be over and done with. I pray we all get there and back safely, especially since most are driving! Three vehicles coming from WA (I think) and 2 from here in SC. The one sister who still lives in MN will be loaded up with company at her house on the coming and going ends of this reunion.

Oh, Hallelujah! Not sure if that's spelled right, but it works. My best neighborhood choice of pet-sitter is free all next week while I'll be gone! I'm almost afraid to believe it. I was really worried when I thought he had to be gone to band camp, or something like that for 12 hours a day! I thought I was going to have to try arrange shifts with several kids involved and that did not sound good to me! One kid doing it all is less likely to forget, or think someone else has the next duty covered. I know that God is always on time and this last minute answers stuff is for my good, I'm sure, but whew! I have been fighting with worry and Panic for days now! That's probably exactly why I had to wait for a last minute answer... but still.. lol Thank God for His mercy!

Monday, 6 August 2007

Another aspect of RSD

I feel like my world is falling apart right now. Like I'm terribly afraid of something, or I've lost hope, or all my dreams, or something truly dreadful has happened. I don't feel this way for any logical reason. Nothing has changed in the last few hours enough to make me feel this way. This is a side-affect of RSD. It doesn't happen every day, or every week, or even every month, but this has happened before plenty of times. It is so confusing and awful, because I really feel like I am in the middle of some emotional trauma, even when I know it Can't be all emotional, or even mostly emotional.

I'm trying to get this written down quickly. I hope and pray that this feeling will pass quicker yet, but I want to record what it's like while I'm in the midst of it. It is too painful to want to recall it once it passes, so I tend to shove it as far from my mind as I can. My bad foot feels like it's almost on fire, it's swollen and only an hour or two ago, it felt like ice. I feel nauseous and weak like I over stressed most of my muscles.

After considering the emotional part more, there may be some aggravation of the physical affects stemming from emotions. I have been frustrated and worried and fearful about several situations today. I am also tired and that doesn't help. I have to work past the worst of the physical part before it's any use trying to sort out the emotional stuff though, so I'd best get my rest as soon as possible and hope things look brighter tomorrow. My hope is in the Lord and He will see me through.

Sunday, 5 August 2007

Five more days!

And we leave for our family reunion! All 42 of us, if I got my head-count right. This will be the first time in a very long time that we'll all be together and, of course, there are newer additions to the family who have never met everyone yet. I feel like there are things I should have tried to do before going, but as of now it's going to be all I can do to get ready and go this week.

I'm worried about leaving Lexy, because as it stands right now, she could end up being left outside in a kennel for 12 hours a day... that's a horrifying idea! She's used to being inside And not being alone much and she's a regular Houdini when she's upset about her living quarters, or bored! I'm worried about other animals coming around too, but more about her getting up to her old tricks and getting herself hurt, or killed. A dog with a mind like hers can get in a world of trouble in 12 hours! I woke up this morning with "12 Hours... 12 HOURS! Dear Lord, Help!" going through my head over and over. I've been praying so much about this. If you're reading this before the 10th, Please pray? I just can't imagine leaving her without better care than that. Here's a picture of her... she's not very cooperative about posing for me.

I waited most of the day for an online friend who said they would talk to me after church. I was really hopeful I'd be able to talk to them, since they seemed to have dropped off the edge of the Earth several months ago and since reconnecting very briefly a couple days ago, I've been waiting to have a longer conversation and more details of what happened. No such thing today though. I really have a hard time with waiting for someone, only to have them not show. At least I got an explanation for the months of absense and the worst thing about it was being left out of what was going on. I could have been praying more specifically And not thinking I'd just been ditched for who knows what reason. They thought they would be overburdening me if they told me what was going on, so though I don't think that was true, I can understand.
Oh to have the faith to believe that whatever comes it will all be ok in the Lord! I'm like Martha when she said she knew Lazerus would be raised again in the resurrection, showing that she couldn't fathom everything being ok right then and there. I know it'll all be ok in Heaven, but when it comes to the here and now, I struggle badly. May the Lord of all creation be God of every corner of my life! May He be God of yours as well.