Thursday, 21 June 2007

A day made special by people

I'm having a hard time starting this. I want to write about today before I forget, or lose my drive to write about it, but I give myself some time to recover from my trip for groceries. My thoughts get mixed up and suppressed by pain. I have started to exercise my arms by rolling back and forth in my wheelchair. I only started yesterday and not surprisingly my arms get tired pretty quickly. If I get to go to the church convention though, I'll have to use the chair, so I need to be able to get myself around in it. Also, when I go to the family reunion, I need to take the chair with me. When I think about it, it's probably a really good idea to just get some regular upper body exercise this way. I worry about bulking up my arms, because I've always done that pretty easily, but really, I do need exercise and if I can't work my legs more then it would be good for my health to work my arms. Now that I've made sense of it, God help me to do it! :)

OK, I feel the pressure easing off, so I'll proceed with the highlights of my day. I slept too far into the day today, but I think I must have needed it, because getting up was a lot easier than it is many days. I was just getting ready for my trip to get groceries when my phone rang and it was my baby sister! It is always such a joy to talk with her! We talked for 2 hours and could have gone on for many more. She's always so supportive and understanding of the things I'm struggling with and that is something I need badly right now! I can only hope and pray that she, and all the others who have been so supportive lately, is even half as blessed by conversation with me!

The second person who made me grin today was a stranger in the store. I have finally started using the motorized carts they have available, because walking around the store was so difficult. I fought that concession WAY longer than I should have and it was another blow to my pride to give in, but now I know I should have gotten smart long ago. Anyway, the fact I was using that cart was the reason I asked a guy near me if he could reach something on the top shelf for me. He was nearby puzzling over something or other and his cart was in the way of what I needed. I waited a bit for him to return to his cart... and a bit more... he was probably waiting for me to move on, but I out waited him... lol

When I asked him to reach what I wanted, he responded by saying something like "No one has ever asked me to reach something for them! You make me feel tall!!" I was so surprised by his reaction that I didn't respond to it as much as I wish I had, but just thanked him and smiled and went on. As I went on I heard him say something more, but it took me till the end of the isle to realize that he'd said again "you made me feel tall!" I was so tickled that my request had made him feel good! He didn't look all that short to me, so I was surprised that he thought of himself as short. I couldn't help grinning as I though how things that seem so small can make us and others feel good. I had been a little embarrassed (just a little) to wait for him and ask his help, but now I realize that God used that little thing to give both of us a boost. I do so love catching a glimpse of how God cares for us in little ways! God help me to respond quickly and easily to the guiding of His Spirit, even if it makes no sense to me at all!

Shifting emotional gears

I have a very difficult time adjusting quickly from certain emotions to certain others. I think I was ten the first time I noticed it. Everyone in the family was planning on going swimming and I love swimming, but I was informed I couldn't go. No one gave me a good explanation and it was all very puzzling and distressing. I went from excitement about swimming to very upset at the seeming unfairness of being left out, very quickly, but then making the adjustment back to excitement when I was finally told why I was being kept back took a very long time. My Dad had planned to surprise me by taking me to see a colt he was thinking of getting for me.

Now I had been begging for a horse for a very long time, so one would think I'd have been ecstatic. I had no greater wish than a horse at that time, but I remember being out looking at the colt some time later and still struggling to get over my hurt and get excited about having my dream come true. It was all just too abrupt and confusing and I battled inside both over my slowly adjusting emotions and over the fact that it was a battle to begin with.

This last week or so as I've had one thing after another hit me concerning getting to the family reunion, I've had that same struggle through it all. First I had managed to adjust to the fact that I would have to say I could not go. that was difficult and sad and even shameful, because of my inability to take care of myself. Then there was my niece asking if I'd like to drive with her and I jumped at that chance before thinking and realizing that I couldn't help pay for gas anymore than any other way there. When I said that to her, she said she would manage it and she said I had to be excited and happy about it. I wanted to be, but there was shame and embarrassment again, so I couldn't feel the joy of it. Then yesterday I was told that my family would pay for me to get there for my birthday present. By that time I think the ups and downs had just been coming too hard and fast and all I could do was worry over details.

There is good news now though, because I think I'm really beginning relax and feel positively about going in whatever way I can. My acceptance of such a gift is still tinged with some of that shame and embarrassment, but I am doing my best, through prayer and talking it over with my niece, my sister, and own myself =) to just say thank you to God and to my family for blessing me in this.

I talked with my niece about flying and I think we'll end up going that way. I tried to completely cover possible difficulties in airports and she basically said nonsense, it'll be a breeze, no problem at all, so quit worrying! I am blessed to have such a family! This niece of mine... who I remember as an infant... is an intelligent, beautiful, and kind young woman, to mention only a few of her fine qualities! I am thankful she lives near me now and for her companionship and friendship!!
The Lord is my hope and help in trouble!