It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to...

I don't feel like crying right now though, so I guess I won't. I wondered if I would react badly to this birthday, since I came a little unglued when I was turning 29 and this one is 39! How ten years passed so quickly is beyond me. It just proves I'm a little "off" that I stress over the birthday before the ones most people stress over. Than again, I might just stress next year, since I haven't done it this year.

I got an online card from my birthday twin and a colored drawing from my youngest niece in the house. My brother and his family sang to me at supper (that was different) and another of my nieces drew me a card with funny faces on the front and $2 inside with an "I (heart) you."

I'm in the middle of a sort of episode that I wonder if I can describe. I have been writing bits on this as the day goes, so I'm picking up where I left off several hours ago. I go through these episodes perhaps twice in a week, perhaps much less, or more. They come and go without any warning, or reason that I can put my finger on, other than that it is part of RSD. I am intensely uncomfortable, both physically and mentally. I'm not in any particularly strong pain, but I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin, or scream and cry for no other reason than this discomfort. My thoughts feel like they are spinning and swirling around, but I can't pin them down, other than the ones directly related to this horrible feeling. What I wish most at these times is for sleep, because that would seem to be the only way to escape. I find that I itch at these times, just sort of randomly all over. It is very similar to the affect I've had when I stopped taking some temporary prescription pain killer, like vicodin. This usually passes within a few hours of starting and the relief is sometimes as intense as the discomfort, but a whole Lot better. I have a very strong drive during these times to eat and smoke to excess and since I'm struggling to cut back on both those things, it just adds to the misery of it.

It's later now and the episode is past. I just wanted to write it out while I was in the middle of it, because afterwords I can't pin as much of how it feels down. There is so much that I wish I could make a note of at the moment at the moment it happens, or is on my mind, but I find trying to carry a notepad and pencil too inconvenient. I have a tiny digital recorder that has more potential, but I haven't managed to carry that around either.

It's past midnight already, so my birthday is over. I'd better get this posted if I'm going to.. lol I copied and pasted this from wordpad and now it won't spellcheck for me... hmmm... ahh well.
"Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to thee!"

A day made special by people

I'm having a hard time starting this. I want to write about today before I forget, or lose my drive to write about it, but I give myself some time to recover from my trip for groceries. My thoughts get mixed up and suppressed by pain. I have started to exercise my arms by rolling back and forth in my wheelchair. I only started yesterday and not surprisingly my arms get tired pretty quickly. If I get to go to the church convention though, I'll have to use the chair, so I need to be able to get myself around in it. Also, when I go to the family reunion, I need to take the chair with me. When I think about it, it's probably a really good idea to just get some regular upper body exercise this way. I worry about bulking up my arms, because I've always done that pretty easily, but really, I do need exercise and if I can't work my legs more then it would be good for my health to work my arms. Now that I've made sense of it, God help me to do it! :)

OK, I feel the pressure easing off, so I'll proceed with the highlights of my day. I slept too far into the day today, but I think I must have needed it, because getting up was a lot easier than it is many days. I was just getting ready for my trip to get groceries when my phone rang and it was my baby sister! It is always such a joy to talk with her! We talked for 2 hours and could have gone on for many more. She's always so supportive and understanding of the things I'm struggling with and that is something I need badly right now! I can only hope and pray that she, and all the others who have been so supportive lately, is even half as blessed by conversation with me!

The second person who made me grin today was a stranger in the store. I have finally started using the motorized carts they have available, because walking around the store was so difficult. I fought that concession WAY longer than I should have and it was another blow to my pride to give in, but now I know I should have gotten smart long ago. Anyway, the fact I was using that cart was the reason I asked a guy near me if he could reach something on the top shelf for me. He was nearby puzzling over something or other and his cart was in the way of what I needed. I waited a bit for him to return to his cart... and a bit more... he was probably waiting for me to move on, but I out waited him... lol

When I asked him to reach what I wanted, he responded by saying something like "No one has ever asked me to reach something for them! You make me feel tall!!" I was so surprised by his reaction that I didn't respond to it as much as I wish I had, but just thanked him and smiled and went on. As I went on I heard him say something more, but it took me till the end of the isle to realize that he'd said again "you made me feel tall!" I was so tickled that my request had made him feel good! He didn't look all that short to me, so I was surprised that he thought of himself as short. I couldn't help grinning as I though how things that seem so small can make us and others feel good. I had been a little embarrassed (just a little) to wait for him and ask his help, but now I realize that God used that little thing to give both of us a boost. I do so love catching a glimpse of how God cares for us in little ways! God help me to respond quickly and easily to the guiding of His Spirit, even if it makes no sense to me at all!