Memory and Anxiety

(click for larger image)
I did this turtle on a napkin with an ink pen when I was 17.

I just realized I'm having some serious anxiety over forgetting things. I also realized that it's been a big cause of anxiety for a long time now. Because of this anxiety and the fact that it makes my memory even worse and also my pain, it's a vicious circle.

I have so many things I want to do right now, or to remember to do as I'm able, and I'm so afraid that I'll forget any/all of them, that I am in a state of high anxiety. I need to pray, but even that is hard to do when I'm wound so tight. I could make a list, and probably will, but I'm very good at losing lists along with my mind... lol

I want/need to draw and draw and draw.
I want to write stories on my new memories blog.
I want to scan all my old art from way back and archive it on a CD.
I also think I might want to make an album of said art to share.
I need to finish my Christmas stuff.
I need to figure out just what it'll take if I try sell my art prints on Etsy.
I need to keep up on email, because keeping up with friends is an important part of not being so isolated.
I want to keep up on my blog reading and each of the pages I visit regularly.
I want to talk more on Elann and post a few pictures, but I haven't worked up the nerve yet.
I need to show M the etching I have and ask if he wants to look at my scrapbook.
I need to get bank stuff straightened out.
I'm quite certain that's not the full list and I've forgotten things already, or maybe that's the anxiety speaking. How do I know when I forget so easily?!?
I need to take time to relax too, for the sake of pain management and this anxiety is making that difficult.

I for sure and certain need to pray about all this more than anything else! God help me and you too in whatever you're struggling with!

December...

This seems like a slow blogging month for many. I have a long list of blogs on google reader and some that usually blog a lot are pretty quiet. I haven't been saying much either, but only mostly because I've been communicating more with folks elsewhere. For some reason, the pictures under my header aren't showing up... not sure if I need to fix it, or if it'll work itself out. I need to keep track of what pictures I've posted here somehow, so I don't get confused and re post them, or think I've already posted what I haven't. Here's one I don't think I posted before though. It's a Star Thistle. Click if you want to see it bigger.




I think I'm about ready for Christmas. I need to figure out some way to package stuff, since I'm pretty sure I used all my wrapping paper last year and I will make a couple more things, just to cover the possibilities. I actually got to send some of my own art prints to my parents, that's pretty cool and I can't wait to know their response! I wasn't able to make the prints at UPS where I wanted to and where I hope to make more at some point, because I've been told they (or at least this store) make excellent prints. I've actually seen the results from there myself and they really are good. Hard to tell from the original without looking very close, or touching.


I sent some of my knit and crocheted hats and scarves to a bazaar with M&L, but only one scarf sold. I didn't really expect much from it, but was still a little disappointed. I actually went there for a while last night for a while and I enjoyed it. M&L made salsa to sell and most of that went and the girls made some bead jewelry. I don't know how much of that sold, but at least a few pieces. One of my friends had her art displayed there too. She had framed a lot of it and it's amazing what a difference a frame makes. I love her stuff anyway, but seeing it framed was like seeing it all new. I also don't know if she sold any of it, but I do know she got a few custom orders. Sometimes I wish I could draw, or paint, things on request, but that has never been my gift.


It's been quite a week. I've been knocked flat by pain frequently, because of trying to do more than usual and also due to the weather, but there's been a lot of positive stuff that's happened to. Just getting to the bazaar for a while was good for me, but also managing to send those prints and more. I've had some good conversations that helped clear some things up and hopefully made for smoother sailing and better understanding. Two of my nieces joined me on my trip to get groceries and we had great fun. They were such a big help! I was able to use my wheelchair and have them handle a cart. It's amazing what a difference extra hands make and also simply the company!


Anyway, my mind just jumped the track again, so if I had more to write, it's forgotten for now... lol


May you have a blessed Christmas and New Year filled with the peace and joy of the Savior Jesus Christ!